ON LEAVING THE BUS DEPOT

I wrapped my arms around Samantha and Elaina.  We watched out the window as the bus backed away from its dock.  Outside stood my mother and my mother- and father-in-law.  

I have grown accustomed to the burn of my tears racing down my cheeks after the farewells I have shared with my dear friends.  What I did not expect was the sense to watch with eyes wide open, to let my senses take in everything:  the warmth of my daughters close to me. The view of my family clinging to our faces peering back at them through salt-stained windows.  Blowing kisses, waving and finally holding out the "I Love You" hand sign.  

When I could no longer see my parents, it was then that I closed my eyes tight with the girls still in my arms and prayed.  I thanked God over and over and over and over again, "Thank you, God, for family who loves us.  Thank you for family who loves us."    Around the corner and further from my parents, "Thank you God for Your love.  Your plan.  We trust You."  Again and again.

I consciously was aware of the sensation that I was on the Raging Bull rollarcoaster at Six Flags -- at the top of that gigantic hill; it's a hill that's so steep and so far down from where you perch at the top that you cannot see the bottom.  Fear and the primal necessity to stop this ride and GET OUT overwhelms the heart.  Yet, we do not unbuckle that seat belt because there is a stronger desire.  The desire to experience the absolute, pure thrill of total trust as you fall into the arms of your destiny.  At Six Flags, the destiny is the bottom of a remarkably engineered thrill ride and possibly a lemon shake-up if you have any money left in your wallet after paying the admission fee to the amusement park.  In life, the thrill of closing our eyes tight to human reasoning and falling into God's loving plan leads to pure joy.  

Eyes closed tight.  

My daughters in my arms.  

Hot tears upon my face.  

A heart wide open to God.